This morning I woke up to find a vulture circling my house.
That's not some fancy metaphor. There was literally a vulture literally circling my house. I watched it for a few hours until it flew off.
I don't know why, but I shot a text to IX.
Rather than doing the usual cryptic flier on my car thing, he actually replied.
"Fuckin peachy." (his spelling, not mine.)
Me: So, is everyone fine?
IX: Me and VII are. Noctis got VIII. Haven't heard from IV or II.
Me: Noctis "got" him?
IX: He's fine, just going to some juvenile work program. We'll break him out soon.
Me: You know what happened to the other two, don't you.
Me: So, what exactly happened.
IX: Nothing and everything.
Me: way to be cryptic.
IX: E.T. Phoned home, but someone else was on the line.
Me: The guys in the jogging outfits?
IX: Those where just remora.
IX: Like sharks.
Now, while most kids my age were into dinosaurs, I was really into sharks. Maybe it had something to do with living near the ocean my whole life, but every book I could find on them, I would take home and read as soon as possible. Anybody who's ever seen a nature documentary which discusses Selachimorpha in any way shape or form will notice that sharks always seem to have a cloud of fish groupies that follow them anywhere.
Me: Like fish people?
IX: No, like parasites. Moochers. They gather in places where Slenderfag shows up and try and see if they can feed of the scraps he leave behind.
Me: So you were trying to contact Slenderman
IX: No, we were trying to catch one of those little parasite shits and have him find Slenderfag for us.
Me: But something went wrong.
IX: There were a lot of them. Like when you leave a sandwich out, and when you come back it's covered in cockroaches.
IX: And Noc-tits had to show up and fuck everything up.
Me: I talked to one of them
IX: Yeah. It's spelled Gwyn-ap-nudd, by the way. He's a douche.
IX: Bring a mask with you. Everywhere.
IX: They can't see you if you wear the mask.
IX: No, you dumb fuck! The parasites.
After a few hours of silence, I decided to try again.
Me: So, about Noctis.
Me: If I wanted to talk to them, where do I start?
IX: They come to you, not the other way around.
Me: You used to be part of Noctis
Me: You could tell me where their hide out is.
30 minuets later...
IX: Right now, they're probably based somewhere near you.
Me: Ok, where do I start looking?
IX: Churches, Gvt bldings, hospitals. Look close, they'll want to keep surveillance on you 24/7.
Me: There's a church across the street from my house.
IX: I know. One's been bumming around there. You'll run into him again.
IX: No, different guy. Already mentioned him in your blog.
I didn't get a reply.
So, Noctis, consider this me calling for an appointment. Monday sound good? 4:00?
Jesus christ, this is asinine.